Beyond Excuses: Why Some Parents Choose Self Over Their Children

EPISODE 14

Beyond Excuses: Why Some Parents Choose Self Over Their Children – Fashitsho The Podcast with DJ Kornbred

Podcast Intro Description:

In this eye-opening episode of Fashitsho The Podcast, DJ Kornbred goes deep into a topic that’s often avoided but incredibly important: why some parents choose to prioritize themselves over their children. This isn’t a conversation about judgment – it’s about understanding the complexities, the struggles, and the human side of parenthood that’s often glossed over.

DJ Kornbred, known for her unapologetic approach to life and music, opens up about the tough choices parents face when balancing self-care, dreams, and the responsibilities of raising children. In a world that demands so much from parents, Kornbred examines the emotional and societal pressures that lead some to make decisions that seem, on the surface, selfish. But are they really?

Through candid reflections, personal experiences, and tough conversations, Kornbred navigates the gray areas of parenting where self-care and personal ambition often collide with family needs. She explores how modern parenthood has evolved, how different factors — mental health, economic pressures, and personal goals — influence these choices, and what it means for those who may not fit the traditional mold of what a "good" parent should be.

Parental responsibility shouldn't be optional, yet somehow our society has normalized the concept of "deadbeat parents." Why? That's the burning question at the heart of this raw, unfiltered episode where I confront the reality of parents who choose to abandon their responsibilities toward their children.

The excuses are predictable: income disparity, relationship status, inconvenience. But children weren't asked to be brought into this world, and they deserve parents who step up regardless of circumstances. I explore the troubling phenomenon of adults who prioritize their social lives, personal comfort, and everything else above their own children's wellbeing.

Most disturbing are the lengths some parents go to avoid responsibility—having employers lie about employment status to dodge child support, making promises they never intend to keep, or simply disappearing for months or years at a time. This isn't just about money; it's about the psychological impact on children who grow up wondering why they weren't worth their parent's time, effort, or resources.

Child support gets a bad reputation, often because of misunderstandings about its purpose. I break down why it exists, when it's necessary, and why it shouldn't be seen as punishment but rather as ensuring children's basic needs are met. For parents carrying the entire burden alone, the stress, anxiety, and financial strain create ripple effects that impact everyone involved, especially the children.

What do you think about parents who neglect their responsibilities? Have you witnessed this in your own life? Share your thoughts and experiences, and let's continue this important conversation about what children deserve from the adults who brought them into this world.

Chapters

• 0:02 Intro to Parental Responsibility
• 3:51 Money Excuses and Absent Parents
• 8:30 The Reality of Child Support
• 13:33 Deadbeat Parent Mentality
• 16:52 Effects on Children and Families
• 19:24 Breaking the Cycle

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

what's up y'all? It's your girl, dj cornbread, aka the empress. Y'all already know what it is. Back with another one ep14 motherfuckers that don't want to take care of their kids and say I, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand why people feel like they shouldn't help take care of their kids. Or it always got something to do with the money situation. It's always who make the most money, who has the most money.

Speaker 1: 0:43

I don't think what y'all think about that type of shit. Do y'all feel like if one parent makes more money than the other parent, or they bring in more money than the other parent, then the opposite parent shouldn't help or do anything? Because to me, that's some stupid shit. I mean I don't how y'all feel about that, because that shit is really stupid. To me that's some crazy, that's some stupid shit. I mean I don't well how y'all feel about that, because that shit is really stupid to me. I feel like if you know you have a child and you have kids, you know, whatever, whatever, you should be stepping up to help out, no matter what the dad, the mom, and you know what they going through. You never know whether it's good, bad, that shit shouldn't even matter when you have kids. You're supposed to be taking care of your kids. You're supposed to be helping take care of your kids. It's not a point finger. Well, let me, uh, you, you, this, you chose this, or I chose this, or I chose this. We chose this accident, this. You know it don't matter. Kids weren't asked to be brought here, so it's like you have to take care of your kids and then, if whoever has the child they picking up, they're doing mostly everything. So do you not?

Speaker 1: 2:09

Why do men or women, vice versa, depending on who doesn't have the child? Why do they feel like they're not obligated to help out or they only will help out once or twice a year? Or some people don't help out at all, they don't do anything for their kids. Some people go years and don't help and don't do shit for their kids and I? I just don't understand why. How, how can you have a child and feel okay, going day by day, knowing that you have a seat that you're not taking care of or that you're not even around, or trying to be around or trying to go pick up or trying to spend time with or anything like that? Like, how can people live their lives knowing that they have a child and they don't want to have anything to do with them or they're not having anything to do with them?

Speaker 1: 3:03

Because some people priorities be really fucked up, like people make sure they going out to clubs or they make sure they doing everything, anything else they gonna check in and make sure they be at the next event on the weekend, but when they come to their kids it's like, uh, I think about it, uh, if I feel like it one of these months, one of these years, shit like that, that shit is just stupid. That shit don't make no type of sense at all. And then what's crazy is that when these people, when you, when the person, when the mom or the dad, whoever it is, whoever's, not doing their job or taking care of the kid, the child, when somebody says something about child support or they put them on child support, then it's an issue. And then everybody wants to be on some oh not cool type shit or mad and pissed off or something like that For people that do go through that and do that type of shit. I mean, I bet you that these people have given these people chances and chances to try to show or help out and be there for their child, and it ain't just no. Oh well, yeah, I just thought I'm just gonna do this just to be an asshole, even though I know it is some women out there or some men like whatever whoever, even though I know it is some women out there or some men by whatever whoever, like I said, whoever going through it, who's on the opposite side, I be just fucking money hungry and they just feel like I want it out, oh, everything you know shit. So they don't, they don't care. They might not, you know, and but to me still, at that point, it's not really like a money hungry thing.

Speaker 1: 4:42

I feel like it's uh, as long as you taking care of your child or helping out I mean, that's mainly what it all boils down to but a person that's taking care of their kids, and then they get put on child support, I kind of feel like that's fucked up, like I feel like, unless they ask to be put on child support, if a person asks to be put on child support, then I mean that's that's one thing, because they ask to be put on child support. But if, uh, you know, but if a person is taking her. They their business. They come to see their child. They're picking their child up every good chance they get, or what time, or you know this is next. They shouldn't. I mean I hate when women or you know men put people the other, significant other person on child support when they're doing their part. That shit right there is just like that's fucked up and that's why a lot of I think that's why child support is it's like a bad name.

Speaker 1: 5:40

When people hear like child support is just like oh, oh, my god, because some people are being put on child support and they are helping and taking care of their kids and helping out the mom or the dad, you know, and stuff like that. But for these people that they're not, yes, you deserve to be on it that shit happen. That shit needs to happen. If you're not trying to help do shit, especially if it's going months and months at a time and your ass ain't giving a shit, or trying to call or at least like send the uh significant other, any kind of anything to make sure, okay, I'll make sure you're good for the next two months and I ain't gonna fuck for another two. But anything like that, like if you're gonna do some shit like that. Just make sure you're handling up your business or that person is handled and good. Your family I'm not family, but your child is good for clothes for two months or that month, for food, for diapers, pull-ups, wipes, whatever the fuck need essential other types of stuff, medicine, all that type of shit.

Speaker 1: 6:44

All that shit is not, you know, comes out of pocket. That shit is not free and I think you know these days people just look at it as, oh, it's child support, this motherfucker just want my money. Nah, that's not what it is. People be wanting you to step up and take care of your responsibility or and help out, instead of just worried about yourself like that. That shit there is just is draining to a person that's doing everything on their own and they don't have no help. And then when you try to confront someone about it or you talk to them about it, they kind of like a pat on the back, type shit, I pray for you. Type stuff, uh, that's no, ain't no. I mean, that's okay to pray for somebody, but no, that person need help. Your actions show everything, but soon as somebody else you need help, or that you know some. If somebody comes through a clutch, in a clutch for you. Oh, it's cool because they come through in a clutch for you. Oh, it's cool because they come through in a clutch for you.

Speaker 1: 7:46

Then I don't be understanding how people be not taking care of their kids but then be asking a significant other to buy them stuff. I mean how does that shit work? You're not taking care of your responsibility, but then you ask the other person that has the responsibility to buy you something Like how does that shit even work? I mean people. I mean I don't know. I don't know if it's, I don't know about the world these days. I mean back in the day I was taught and what I was around my, you know you take care of your kids. My dad has always taken care of his kids. When I was younger, he always took care of me, so he's always going to make sure I'm good. My mom and they was always going to make sure I'm good. So who? I mean?

Speaker 1: 8:41

I don't understand like this whole deadbeat dad type shit like where, who started that, like when, who? I mean, somebody started that shit and they felt like, oh, this, this is some good shit, this, this. We keep this shit rolling, keep it ball rolling. So all the deadbeats just felt like, oh yeah, I'm just gonna tag along, we're gonna jump on that bandwagon like who, who, who thought of that shit? Who who said that shit was okay? Like like that's a new little click or some shit. The deadbeat dad click or deadbeat mom click, or I ain't gonna do shit like fuck them kids, literally. That's kind of how. That's kind of how I feel.

Speaker 1: 9:19

Like when people, when that shit be happening, it's kind of like some old fuck them kids type shit, because then when you look at it you never know if people might be stressing or whatever they going through, because that shit can play a big toll on like anxiety, depression and stuff like that too. If a person is sitting there doing everything on their own and they not get no type of help from the other significant other, that shit can stress them, stress somebody out too, like some people be on the outside looking in and they just feel like, oh well, since I can't just literally see or physically see any hurt, he heard him stressing or this isn't it. Everything must be a one. No, that ain't, that's not the that. You shouldn't even have that type of shit in your mind frame. That shouldn't even be in your head. You should be like always 100, like I don't care what the other person is going through, if it's on level shit like that. Long as I take care of my responsibility and I help out with my child, that's all I'm gonna do, especially if y'all not together.

Speaker 1: 10:18

But you have motherfuckers these days they don't think like that, they just they just take care of themselves, especially if they have other kids. They take care of the kids they want to take care of and they basically fuck the others and that shit is not cool at all and that shit is not right. I don't, yeah, I don't understand. I don't know who started that whole. Like I said, deadbeat dad, shit, that shit there is not. That shit there is not cool at.

Speaker 1: 10:45

And then when other motherfuckers find out what's going on family members and this and this and that then you find out other information and be mad and be wanting all that. You can't see this person. Or you can't see this person now, it ain't that you don't want them to see the child or anything like that Shit. The person that the other significant other don't want to pick the child up or come see the child or bring the child to you and some people be trying to make it like it's the other parent and they don't be the other parent a lot of times they be the parent that don't want to have anything to do with the child. That's why nobody is seeing the child because of their parents, their parents decision to not have that child around other people or family members and stuff like that, because they really don't give a fuck, you know, but they try to play it like they do. But then the other people you know that are family members that really want to be on some seeing the child and having spending time with them, and this isn't it they don't. You know, on the outside, like I'm just I don't know what the hell going on, I'm just basically on. Sometimes they be on some shit. Like I was told she don't even want to see the baby or see the child, or you don't want her to come over here. I want him to come over here and it don't be none of that type of shit.

Speaker 1: 12:03

You talk people, you be finding out all type of shit. Be like what, what, what? Who said that? She said that? He said that? No, that ain't what it is at all. You, just you people, you men and women that they have that feel like this shit is okay. You just need to step up to the plate and do what the fuck you need to do. Rather, if you want to be in a relationship with the person or not, or if you like the person or not, it don't have anything to do with the woman or the man, the parent, other parent, whatever, it doesn't have anything to do. It's about the child. So you should just be making sure you're the child is taking care of, or for your portion for that month, or whatever you want to do, and then anything else that that shit is for the birds especially. Like instead of y'all ain't trying to push nothing and being no panel family type issue going on or nothing like that, but these days you can't.

Speaker 1: 12:59

I mean, like I said, it's, it's people done, got at, put this shit together like it's fucking click, uh, uh. I mean they feel like that shit is just cool. Where in the bible or where anywhere, what did they say? That it's okay to not take care of your kids? Like you know, a hundred percent score for some shit like that. Like I don't understand motherfuckers crazy out here for real.

Speaker 1: 13:24

And then people wonder why certain parents act the way they act with other parents. Because of the way they are with their kids, they can play a big part on how other parents treat other parents. Because that shit is not cool and it frustrates people and stresses them out and they feel like you need to be doing way more than what you're doing. And that's why, like I said, that's why they tend to go to child support and be saying I'm do this, I'm do that, or people end up fighting, bad things end up happening, people end up hurt, all that type of shit. All because that person, just you know, should have just stepped up to the plate and took care of their responsibility and did what they needed to do.

Speaker 1: 14:09

But now people these days, they just so fucking selfish and they just worry about they still and making sure they good or they just feel like shit, I'm gonna do shit when I want to do shit. So I choose to go six, seven, eight months and I do shit. Then I'm. That's when I'm. I mean, that's just me, that's how I feel, that's that when I want to do by one of some things.

Speaker 1: 14:28

And who the fuck? The total person that a child and is good for six, seven, eight months a year, two years, three, or whatever you know what. You're not helping out, doing anything. And some people not even buying shit, of course are helping or whatever. But or, like, damn, you going to see your child could help out, even if you're not able to do anything.

Speaker 1: 14:52

If you're a person that don't have no kind of income or something like that, you have to, you know, stay with somebody or anything like that, and you're not working, then damn, just try to show some type of love and be like, okay, well, well, since I can't do this, I can't do that, then I'm, I'm at least gonna pick my child up, you know, and and give the other parents some time to they still to function, to have a day me time or this, this, and that people ain't like that. Yeah, people, I mean you, they, they rather you go pay somebody to wash them or a daycare or something like that, on a day that you're not, they're not doing shit, you know, just for you to have like some me time and you're the one that has the parent, I mean, has a child every day. Like this shit does not make any type of fucking sense to me at all, and that's why I'm saying, if people want to watch parents and kids, it's always all these back and forth, back and forth, with families and kids not liking the dad or growing up being mad and pissed off at the dad or pissed off at the mom or you know, or the you know, with the parents having the issues all these years and stressed out because of this happening years before. So then they really don't even fucking like each other. It's like a lot of that shit can be, you know, cut out, like a lot of this stuff can be fixed. But, like I said, motherfuckers, they don't be current. They don't be current about shit and nothing, but they damn soon and nothing but they damn soon. And that shit there is not cool at all.

Speaker 1: 16:34

Some of you men and women that think that shit is cool, I mean, I don't know what the issue is with that, but y'all really need to sit down. That's like another type of third position that y'all need to sit down with somebody and see. So y'all can even understand y'all selves why. I mean, why do you think this shit is okay for you to not do anything for your kids? Like y'all really need to sit down and have some type of therapy session with somebody that actually does that type of shit and see so you can understand why this shit is not cool. Because these people like I, these motherfuckers around here, they crazy, they doing all types of shit and thinking everything is A1 school, like, no, no, that shit is not cool at all. My boy or my girl, hell, no. So yeah, y'all, I mean.

Speaker 1: 17:29

So, like I said, how y'all feel about this child support, deadbeat dad, deadbeat mom, ass shit or whatever for parents that ain't even don't even take care of their kids. You mean man like I'm, I mean that shit there needs to be talked about. Especially, you know, you got people that's taking care of other people's kids, men and women, like they get into new relationships and with people and they like, damn, he don't come see his child, she don't come see her child, she don't see her daughter, he don't see his daughter. He don't come see his son, she don't see his son, her son. Oh, no, damn, they don't come.

Speaker 1: 18:04

And then, like these men actual grown men, I'm gonna say or these grown women, they look at me like, damn, if I had a child, like I can't see myself. They're saying stuff like I hear things, like I can't see myself going days and days and months and months and months and knowing I have another seed or another child somewhere and I'm not even talking to them or not even going to see them or not trying to help out or like that that type of fuck shit in their mind they said that's fuck nigga shit. Like they, that shit is not even cool to them. Like they say, like that's against my entire hell. Now I don't even do no whole shit like this, like this, that that's a, that's a nothing ass nigga.

Speaker 1: 18:50

Or a dude that call itself to be a man or a woman, like people don't be cool with it and that should be so embarrassing, especially when the person knows who the other parent is and they see, know that they're not doing anything for their child and they just be sitting there like damn that dude bad, that's wrong as fuck. Or that girl, she wrong as hell. Like that shit ain't cool. But in their eyes, that shit cool and that shit is not cool at all. So y'all need to tighten that shit up and get that shit together, because that's like I said that shit ain't cool, that shit ain't.

Speaker 1: 19:37

It's for the birds or your ass gonna end up on child support, pissed off, argue with the white man and mad because they in your business, especially these motherfuckers, if you're trying to get away, get out over and act like they not act, like they not doing this and they not doing that or whatever. Um, oh, I'm not working, I can't pay no child support or I'm not working, I can't help. How the fuck? What do you? What do you mean? Like these motherfuckers, they be working and they be having managers lie and say that they not working so they ain't gotta help out for their kids.

Speaker 1: 20:10

Who does that whole ass shit? Like that? Shit is not cool, that shit is stupid as fuck. Like who, literally? Who goes to work and makes money and know they have a child to take care of and don't want to take her, a child? That bad, where they sit there and have their. Make sure they find a job where they're cool with the managers or they can keep quitting or this, this and that, just so they don't find out if they are on child support, uh, so they won't be able to have the help.

Speaker 1: 20:40

And at least I mean, if you're gonna do that shit, because some people feel like that they take too much money from them, if you feel like they take too much money for you. First of all you can go to court or you can talk to somebody about that your attorney or whatever. And if that shit don't work and you're doing some whole ass shit like that or whatever and you think that that's cool, okay, do that. But if you're doing that and paying, helping out on your kids and going to give them the money directly or keep a like paper trail of what you're giving this, this and that and that and help Some people ain't even doing that shit. They not even helping. Do that. Like I don't fucking understand. That shit is not cool at all. What part of the game is that man? So I mean, I don't know. Like I said, I'm about to get out of here'all. Y'all already know what it is. Dj cornbread aka the empress for shit show the podcast.